Oh, thank you, my lady of Camelot. I know I speak for all of your loyal subj…er…supporters in New York when I say how pleased we are that you have seen fit to govern us, as indeed, you should. Yes, we mark ourselves as fortunate to have one of your noble grace and bearing willing to put aside the many heavy burdens of your charitable and other good works and take up the far weightier cause of championing the needs of us common folk — whatever they may be from time to time — as did your father and uncles and cousins and in-laws and grandfathers and so many others of your great and distinguished family.

My lady, I hope you won’t think me too bold if I suggest that it is fitting — yes, fitting — that you should go straightaway into the Senate without troubling yourself with any of those boring and tiresome lowly labors that are truly meant for others — those who, how shall I say, simply lack my lady’s noble grace and bearing — like that prickly fat fellow in Congress or that pleasant upstate woman.

Oh, I know these people must be rewarded appropriately for all their toil and loyalty, and I’m sure a lady of such noble grace and bearing as yourself would not dream of depriving them of their rightful places. But after all is said and done, Maloney, Weiner, Ackerman and all the rest have risen a good deal higher than any of them had a right to presume, lacking as they do the greatness and distinction of a Kennedy. I also must dare to say to you, my lady, that young Andrew is also, how do the French say it, an arriviste — and a bounder as well, as I’m sure you know from Miss Kerry. But there I go, speaking out of turn.

If you don’t mind my saying so, my lady, that Lowey woman did conduct herself nicely for a person of her sort, what with standing aside for Dame Hillary and now showing proper deference to my lady. While she only did what was proper, I think we would all say, “here, here,” if my lady were to give her a jolly good word of thanks — that is, if you don’t mind my saying so, my lady.

What was it your father said? I think it went something like, “Ask not what you can do for New Yorkers, but what New Yorkers can do for you?” Or was that your uncle?

Well, in either case, God bless him. And God bless you, my lady. We are so thrilled that you have deigned to become our next Senator. That’s especially true, may I say, my lady, of those of us who are, like your ladyship, Irish Catholics. And pardon me if I take a bit of liberty in saying that your ladyship is truly as Irish as paddy’s pig and as Catholic as the Pope, and there’s no one can deny it, not God Himself.

Please don’t hesitate to call on me if I can perform any small service for my lady.

(Visit me at The Purple Center)

Politics Dame Caroline deigns to represent us